I said I would and I did. A personal blog. Welcome to New Sense, or as I tried to accomplish “Nuisance”. I think the outcome is fitting though, as I untangle what has led me to what I consider my humble happy ending. Upon announcing my new blog that is about my life, it has stirred up conversation. I am upset to see a relationship that is very important to me be cut off due to this endeavor, but this is nothing but the truth. I am putting myself in a vulnerable position to be judged and receive negative messages as the story goes on.

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Photography by Levi Giles

What makes me so interesting that you would even care what I have to say? I’m not famous, I have not won any accredited awards, I have not been featured in magazines or quoted for my wits. I have no recognition or a resume to show why what I say matters. I am here to share my story, it has been a burden on me, the awkward times it gets brought up, the awkward silences when I confide in someone. I think the shock value of what I have to say comes from what people think they know about me. Truth is very few people know me. It is almost a job to be normal and say the right thing to avoid too many questions.

Have you ever had someone use your past against you? Make you feel like you made the choices you did and deserved every bit of what happened to you? Even if you were only a child? Well I think my trauma comes more from the guilt I felt, and the way I punish myself internally. Guilt, the emotion that drives me and eats me up. It’s like there’s a parasite in my body, it makes it’s home my stomach, churning it. And then, the thoughts come, yes, it’s controlling my thoughts too. I’m losing control. Then the internal battle between me and this parasite begins.

If anything comes of this blog its this, getting it all in writing for the world to see and off my chest so I can proudly say “This is me” and mean it. I want to be an example for my children, my spouse and my close friends and family. Hopefully you as well , reader. I want to inspire truth even if it’s not documentary or podcast worthy. This is my truth, and it matters.