We can start the day I was born, because why not. Just like this current year, it was also the day after Mother’s Day. My family was so excited because I was a girl and the last child my parents were going to have. I have two older brothers, one is 3 years older than me, and the other is 6 years older.

We lived in beautiful Afton Wyoming, where my mothers side of the family settled as LDS (latter day saints) pioneers of the valley. My mothers career is really taking off and my father is working at the local mining company. I love spending time in our large backyard on the trampoline or following my dad around while he did yard work. And even though I am potty trained, pooping in the backyard just felt right. It was something I did every time I needed to. No one stopped me, when my parents did find out eventually and confront me about it, I just found a new hidden spot to do it. When I think of why I did this, I probably was outside all the time and didn’t want to go inside and waste any of my outside time.

My brothers race BMX locally while my parents volunteer as coaches, it’s fun to watch them, when the races are over, I run on the dirt track and over the mounds or try and ride my bicycle with training wheels. Home life is dull for the most part, my older brothers play Nintendo 64 as I watch, when they left the room, I took the controllers and tried to flush them down the toilet. When they came in the room and found out they started chasing me and shouting, I ran to my parents bedroom where the controllers were, sitting in the porcelain bowl in the en-suite. My dad , very concerned, asks what’s happening. My brothers start to explain, dad goes to the bathroom and sees what I’ve done, he looks at me disappointed, but holds my brothers accountable for this, shouting that they shouldn’t have left me alone, and it could have been prevented. He spanks them both and they leave to their rooms, and it’s just me and my favorite person, I can do no wrong, my dad sees me for the curious, ambitious child I am. I did not feel bad for my brothers, they never let me play Nintendo with them. Mom and Dad work long, late hours. I spent most of my days at Tammy’s, a neighbor with an at home daycare. She always had a way of making me feel special, while other kids played I would follow and help her run the day to day, just her little shadow. I looked at her as if she was a mother to me. Not that my mother isn’t good, in fact she is lovely. She encourages me, dresses me up, and laughs at my jokes. Mom is a warm and calm presence, she has the best ideas. Like using my comfort blanky to comfort my baby doll, when she cries of course. I just really thrive on special attention and feeling important. People who give that to me have my loyalty and love.

My great grandparents on my mothers side had 6 daughters, they married and most had several children themselves, Tanna the 3rd born is my grandma, on my moms side. Family gatherings were usually held in large outdoor places, or at G-ma and G-pa Miles (great grandparents) homestead. These are Mormon gatherings, so the food is wonderful. We are at a park that offers indoor and outdoor space. There are so many people here it was like easter Sunday morning. I don’t know most of the people, or don’t remember if I know them. Are they really all related to me? They all seem to know me. We make our way through everyone, there it is! Food scattered across several tables, games to play with prizes to be won and oh no, praying. I hated praying, I was a 5 year old child that would stare at the puddings, brownies and cookies with my arms crossed and head slightly bowed, please uncle Mel finish up here we have been waiting ages! “Dear Heavenly Father, we ask that you bless this food…. Keep Jill in your thoughts… we offer ourselves humbly…. Thank you for this beautiful day… amen” amen. Let’s eat.

It is 2001 now, I am 6 years old. my mother’s career is really, really taking off now, and we were moving to Layton, Utah. I remember driving into the neighborhood, there are so many homes, really nice homes. We pull up to our new home. Well temporary home since we are renting. What a beautiful big house , stone, stucco and vinyl. Light blue carpet throughout. The master bedroom was massive, you could fit your bedroom furniture in there plus living room furniture. Although it looked even bigger because it only had a dresser, queen bed and small 21’ box tv. This house was new to me, I love new things.

It’s Christmas, I am waiting at the top of the stairs with my brothers. “Ok, come downstairs” my mother says. Wow, this is a huge Christmas. I got a silky bath robe, Britney Spears CD , and an inflatable chair that I sit in while opening up everything else. There are so many toys, electronics, sleds and clothes. So many new things, I love new.